Navigating Criticism, Dismissal, and Emotional Boundaries
By Towards Tranquility Therapy
Christmas Family gatherings are often portrayed as being places of comfort, connection, and belonging. Yet for many people, family environments can feel emotionally unsafe — particularly when feelings are dismissed, choices are criticised, or boundaries are repeatedly ignored.
If family interactions leave you feeling small, tense, or questioning yourself, you are not alone, and this is something Towards Tranquility Therapists understand all too well. We understand your feelings of not being good enough, never enough, the odd one out, blamed, alone and may other really valid emotions which most importantly leave you feeling exhausted and there is nothing wrong with you for responding the way you do.
This post offers trauma-informed guidance for managing difficult family situations — before, during, and after they happen — with a focus on emotional safety, nervous-system care, and self-respect.
A Grounding Truth to Begin With
Let’s start here:
You do not need your family to understand your feelings for them to be valid
You do not need to justify your emotional or physical boundaries
Feeling emotionally safe is a need, not a preference
When family members minimise your experiences, criticise your life choices, or dismiss your need for distance from certain people, this is not a sign that your needs are unreasonable. Often, it reflects their discomfort with emotional accountability — not your sensitivity.
Preparing for Family Events (Before You Go)
Clarify Your Reason for Attending
You don’t have to attend family events with full emotional investment.
You might decide:
“I’m going to show my face briefly.”
“I’m going for one person, not everyone.”
“I’m attending with the intention of leaving with my wellbeing intact.”
Attending strategically is not selfish — it’s self-protective.
Set a Time Boundary
Decide in advance how long you’ll stay.This might be 30 minutes, just the meal, or a short visit.
You don’t need to announce this boundary.You don’t owe an explanation for leaving early.
Prepare an Exit phrase
When emotions rise, words often disappear. Having a simple script can help:
“I’m heading off now — thanks for today.”
“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I’m going to leave.”
“I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”
Short, calm, and non-explanatory is enough.
Supporting Your Nervous System During Family Events
Difficult family dynamics can activate stress responses such as freezing, fawning, shutting down, or feeling suddenly angry. These are not overreactions — they are protective responses.
Subtle
Grounding Techniques
Press your feet firmly into the floor, noticing how steady you feel with your feet firmly planted giving you extra confidence
Hold something textured (keys, jewellery, fabric)
Slow your exhale slightly
You might silently remind yourself:“I am an adult. I am not trapped. I can leave if I need to.”
Shift Into Observer Mode
Rather than absorbing the comment emotionally, gently name what’s happening internally:
“This is dismissal.”
“This is criticism.”
“This is emotional avoidance.”
Labelling the behaviour helps reduce its emotional impact and reminds you that this is a pattern — not a personal failure.
Responding to Dismissive or Hurtful Comments
When your feeling are dismissed and you are told "You're overreacting" You don't have to waste your time trying to explain, defend, or convince the person something different, because the reality is you can't change their opinion if they don't want to change it.
Instead you might try responding with something like:
“This is how it feels for me.”
“We see this differently.”
“I’m not discussing this.”
When Your Job or Life Choices Are Criticised
For example, “Why would you do that for a living?”
Possible responses could be:
“I’m comfortable with my choices.”
“It works for me.”
“I’m not looking for feedback.”
Repeat once if needed. Then disengage.
When You’re Put Down
Being told “You’ve always been too sensitive.”
You might say:
“That comment isn’t helpful.”
“I’m not okay with being spoken to like that.”
“Let’s change the subject.”
If it continues, stepping away is an act of self-respect, not rudeness.
When Family Question Why You Don’t Feel Safe Around Someone
This can be incredibly painful if you have told them time and time again, or if the answer shares trauma that would resurface if you spoke of it.
You are allowed to say very little:
“I don’t feel safe, and that’s enough for me.”
“I’m not discussing this.”
“I’ve thought carefully about this decision.”
You do not owe someone your personal details and experiences that are likely to be minimised or challenged.
Understanding What’s Really Happening
Family members may:
Minimise because acknowledging your pain would require them to look at themselves
Criticise to regain control or maintain familiar roles
Resist boundaries because they benefited from your lack of them
Their discomfort does not mean your boundary is wrong.
Aftercare Matters (More Than You Think)
The emotional impact of family interactions often shows up after the event.
So why not plan something gentle and grounding:
A quiet walk
A warm shower
Listening to music
Talking to a safe person
Writing out what you wish you could have said
Watching your favourite Film
Remind yourself:“I navigated something difficult. That matters.”
Redefining Success
Success is not:
Getting family to understand
Changing their behaviour
Being validated by people who cannot offer it
Success is:
Protecting your nervous system
Maintaining your dignity
Leaving with less emotional harm than before
That is real, meaningful progress.
A Final Note
If family relationships leave you feeling unseen, criticised, or unsafe, support can help. Therapy offers a space to explore boundaries, grief, self-trust, and nervous-system regulation — at your pace. Equally sometimes the right thing for you to do for yourself is to step away from those difficult dynamics, that might be for a short while or longer term. Stepping away can feel a really big but important decision for some in being able to move forward and live a more stress free life, these are moments to reach out for support as well, so you can understand more about your decision making and develop a level of comfort and trust in the decisions you make to better meet your needs.
At Towards Tranquility Therapy, we believe your experiences make sense, and your wellbeing matters because you matter. You don’t need to endure harm to belong. We can offer flexible, kind, collaborative support that meets your individual needs. We also have personal understanding of navigating and managing difficult relationships in the past so there will be no judgement, just care.
