​​What Helps During a Difficult Conversation?

 

Listen don't try to fix

 

Allow the person to describe what is happening in their own way. Silence can be part of the conversation. They may need more processing time than you expect.

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You might say:

“Take your time. I’m listening.”

“You don’t need to explain everything at once.”

“What feels most important for me to understand?”

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Be honest about what will happen next

 

Avoid making promises you may not be able to keep, including promising complete confidentiality.

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If additional help is needed, explain this gently:

“I care about what happens to you. Because you may not be safe, we need to bring in some additional support. I would like us to decide together who we contact first.”

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Wherever possible, involve the person in decisions and explain what you are doing before making a call or sharing information.

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Help them regain some choice

 

Feeling unsafe can also involve feeling powerless. Small, manageable choices may help:

“Would you like me to sit here or give you a little more space?”

“Would you prefer me to call, or would you like to make the call with me?”

“Shall we contact your chosen person first or NHS 111?”

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Choice does not mean leaving urgent safety decisions entirely to someone who cannot currently keep themselves safe. It means preserving as much dignity, voice and involvement as the situation allows.

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Responses to Avoid

 

Try to avoid:

• “You have nothing to be upset about.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “You wouldn’t really do that.”

• “Think about what this would do to your family.”

• “Promise me you won’t do anything.”

• “You just need to calm down.”

• “Why would you do something like that?”

• Giving lots of advice before listening.

• Threatening, shaming or punishing the person.

• Leaving them alone when they cannot keep themselves safe.

• Assuming that becoming quiet means the risk has passed.

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A more helpful response is:

“I can hear that things feel very difficult. Let’s focus on keeping you safe through this moment.”

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Supporting Different Communication and Sensory Needs

 

Distress can affect speech, memory, decision-making and the ability to process questions.  This can be particularly significant for autistic people, people with ADHD, trauma survivors and anyone experiencing panic, shutdown or dissociation.

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The person may need:

• Extra time to understand and respond.

• One question at a time.

• Literal, unambiguous language.

• Permission not to make eye contact.

• Reduced noise, movement or lighting.

• Written choices rather than spoken questions.

• Access to headphones, a comfort object or regulating movement.

• A familiar person to help them communicate.

• Reassurance about what is happening next.

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Do not assume that a person who appears calm is no longer distressed. Some people become very still, quiet or outwardly composed when they are struggling most.

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After the Immediate Moment

 

Once the person is safer, it may help to explore:

• What helped during this situation?

• What made things harder?

• Were there earlier signs that support was needed?

• Who would they like contacted next time?

• What words, actions or environments feel most supportive?

• Does their support card need to be personalised?

• Would a collaborative safety plan be helpful?

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The aim is not to judge how the situation happened. It is to learn what may help the person feel heard, supported and safer in the future.

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A Final Reminder

 

Being handed this card means the person has attempted to communicate something important.

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You do not need to have all the answers.

 

Begin by staying present, listening carefully and taking their experience seriously.​